Abuse by another name…
I’ve always hated the thought of bullying, still do, but after an interesting conversation with a recent client it made me think. I’ve been on the receiving end of mental and emotional abuse, which in some ways is more difficult to deal with than physical abuse. Why? Because often it is SO well hidden from view and the person doing that type of abuse is extremely clever at camouflage. They often present as really friendly, jovial ‘nice to know’ people and everyone NOT on the receiving end thinks they are just charming and often seemingly generous.
An apparently innocent compliment often contains an insult or a cutting remark within the compliment, hiding the real impact of the barb. You are so aware of the flattery they get away with the well-hidden insult. Before long the barbs are far more prevalent and still sounding faintly like a compliment that you feel petty pointing it out. Too late! You are now hooked and accepting what will soon develop into full emotional and mental control that is very hard to come back from. After all, you’ve never said anything before, so why start complaining now? It is truly insidious it is so subtle. Their control over your developing feelings of being in the wrong all the time is exactly where they want you to be.
You end up feeling very confused, beaten down, guilty and full of despair and you’re really not sure how this came about. There seems no way out of the situation. Even to think of trying to explain what is happening to anyone seems impossible, because after all, how do you describe it? You know it will just sound like sour grapes on your part, also you realise you really should be able to manage this yourself, it seems almost silly. Bullies are extremely masterful at finding your vulnerabilities or your pride in something you care about. They manage to make you feel inadequate, incompetent, weak, unworthy, unimportant and pathetic.
I’ve come to realise though, just why these people are so very masterful and brilliant in their abilities to do this to others. It’s because they UNDERSTAND what those feelings are all about! In order not to feel them themselves, they pull others down that are close to them, step on them and squash them in order to make them feel bigger and stronger and more important. In other words, THEY are the ones that need sympathy and understanding. They are the ones who are inadequate and have extremely low self-esteem – not you.
Unfortunately, it is almost impossible to help them to see this, as their self-defense is SO strong they believe fully what they have created for themselves. After all, anything you believe is true! So the saying goes. They believe they are fine thank you very much and nothing is wrong with them. Deep, deep inside though they are scared to death that they will be found out, so they lash out to those who are close in order to hide what is really going on inside. They deserve pity really, as they will probably never (be able to) change. Whereas the bullied can and often do find help to overcome their abuse and rediscover their own strengths again. I did, and so do countless others.
So… pity the bullies as they are stuck in the cages of their own making and believe strongly that everything is just fine in their world. Move on, grow your life and live it. Surround yourself with beautiful souls who care about you.
If you need help to recuperate from any forms of abuse, to enable you to better grow into your future and leave the old scars behind, then Neuro-Training can and does help enormously, easily and quickly without having to revisit old and often painful memories.
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